Sometimes It's Just Really Hard Being Away From Home...

"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure."

It really is hard when loved ones pass away.  It is really hard when they pass away and you are on the other side of the country not knowing how to deal with it.  My dear sweet Grandpa Hall passed away today, and knowing that it is a blessing in many ways doesn't make up for the fact that it is still hard.  In my profession, I deal with death almost every time I work, and most of the times I am happy for those that pass on because I have watched them suffer.  Even though I have been away from Grandpa for the past few years and haven't got to see him too often, I know that his time was coming soon.

Just wanted to share a few thoughts that I wrote up about Grandpa a little over a year ago...

When I was younger, I always thought that Grandpa would be the prophet one day, I was sure of it.  He knew everything about the gospel as far as I could tell, and his membership in the church and his testimony are some of his most prized possessions.  He showed us in all the actions he did for others, doing as Jesus would want him to do.  I thought it was so neat that he was able to serve so many missions and reach so many different people to help the church grow.  Many families now have a great geneology record because of the work he did.  Many people have had temple work done for them because of his research.  He has always been a great example to all of us of how to help others and Christ.  

 When I picture Grandpa, he is in front of his computer doing geneology.  Sunday dinners at the Hall house always involved a good dinner, and then Grandpa taking me into the computer room to show me something new with his geneology programs or pictures he had downloaded of the family.  He sure loves all the technology and kept up with the latest and greatest software. 

When I think of Grandpa, I think of many family gatherings when all the cousins would be running to hide from the “picture nazi!”  He definitely loves that camera and pictures of his family.  I’m pretty sure he had the first digital camera I had ever seen, and I thought that it was so cool!

When  I was baptized, we were living in Colorado, and the only family that came in from out of town for my special day was Grandma, Grandpa, Leda, Emily, and Heather.  I will always be grateful they were there for me that day.  

I remember many summer days when I was younger hanging out in the back of the red brick house in Brigham with all our cousins (definitely not as many as there are now!).   We spent  countless hours climbing up the giant walnut tree, playing in the irrigation water , and having many Easter egg hunts.  Grandpa was always there to supervise it all!

 I remember the year he had his heart attacks, and how scary that was for me being only 6 or 7 years old not knowing what to think.  I am glad he made it through that trial and here we are over 20 years later! 

I remember how special I felt when he told me the password for his work computer was my name.

I will never forget the light in his eye when he held my boys.  And the kiss on the cheek  :)

The day he was admitted to the nursing home was the day Gray was born.  He was positive he had to
get out of there to meet his new great grandson.  I'm glad they got to meet a few times :)

I appreciate the way that he raised his kids, they turned out pretty well for themselves!  Because of the way my father was raised, I was raised well myself and hope to continue that with my kiddos.

I remember the way he’d shake his head when I’d show up to his house in 4 inch platform shoes or heels.  He never could understand how I could walk in them!

I remember how excited he got when I told him Nate was serving a mission in Kentucky…it gave them a lot to talk about !

And how could I forget the fishing trips…I always beat him on the fish count!

    When we would lose a tooth, I was always excited to call their house and tell them.  We got a quarter for every tooth lost.

I remember a time or two getting up really early in the morning and going to the temple with him and Grandma to do baptisms for the dead, and how neat that was.

The $2 bills for Valentine’s Day…I always look forward to getting those in the mail!

I appreciate his dedication to his family and the church…he never has put himself first.

I appreciate the way he treated Grandma, always with such love.  I have never seen them in a disagreement, and seldom have I seen them apart.  I hope me and Nate can keep that up for that long!

He has such a great love of books…he is always telling me about his latest and greatest read.  I don’t know if I could ever catch up to the amount of books he has read.  Reading all those books made him very knowledgeable in many things.

I can thank him for my computer skills.  I was taught by him very young on the old ancient computers on how to maneuver around.

He shows such love for all of his family.  And how he loves the little ones!  I always like to watch his face as he watches his younger grandkids play.

I remember Grandpa’s Christmas sack, and how there is never even a guess on what will come out of it.  One of my favorite presents that ever came out of the sack was some dolls when I was quite young…all of us girls all got one with different color hair and different clothes.  I sure loved that doll…


The memories keep coming, but at some point, I need to stop!  Overall, I have learned so much from Gramps, have looked up to him in so many ways, strived to have a testimony as strong as his, try to give to others as he does, dedicate more time to temple work, church callings, and anything church related, try to teach my children as he taught his, and continue to try to make him proud as he watches us from up in heaven. 

And lastly, I just got this email from my family that was sent by a nurse in the care center.  It's amazing to me how Grandpa effected people, even when their mind and body isn't functioning properly...

"My dearest friend,

     So many things that I would like to share with you.  I am really greatful that I was able to be here when Ray passed on and that I got to say goodbye and help him prepare for his next step in his journey.  I am greatful to you and your family for all the kind words and acts of kindness and the great things that you have taught me! Lafond, only on two maybe three occasions have I ever felt the holy spirit.  Not only did I feel the holy spirit at Rays service I could see it radiating a glorius light around your family as they spoke about Ray and what he was and meant to them.  I didnt know Ray the same way that you did, but I knew Ray well in the end.  I understood him when most people couldnt and learned so much from him.  When people asked me about Rays service the only way to describe it was a celebration of his life with so many great stories.  What you and Ray had I want for my family. 

     Last night when Preston arrived he asked me how I was feeling.  I told him that it was lonely here today and he said that he understood that.  (Dont tell him, but he truly is an amazing man)  He gave me a hug and comforted me when in fact I should be comforting him he is lonelier then I. When I left work and began my drive home in that terrible snow storm, I was stressed and agitated by the weather.  I started to sing, called to serve and then hooked up my ipod and played Id love to see the temple.  The ride home became calmer and calmer and I felt at peace, safe in the knowledge that I would arrive safely.  This morning when I arrived at work, the overwhelming empty void that Ray once filled was present again.  I went on through the morning and when I sat down to eat my breakfast, I had this overwhelming sense that I was going to attend church this morning.  I sat here in my mind trying to convince myself that I really needed to invite the Lord back into my life and that maybe my burdens would be relieved.  As I sat here with my internal debate, I felt Rays presence pushing me to get up and make the right choice.  I went to the dining room and sat down.  The first song  "We thank thee Oh God for a prophet" brought tears to my eyes and as I sat and cried through the song and the prayer began, I felt as though everyone was praying for my soul and continued to feel as though I was being watched over.  The primary children stood to sing and sang "I'd love to see the temple."  Is it coincidence that the same song at Rays funeral was played today and the same song that I chose to listen to on my way home last night was played today.  Through all of the emotions that I experienced over the last week I have come to realize that I was truly blessed to have Ray in my life and although I cannot necessarily explain all that Ray had taught me he taught me more then you could ever know.   

     I truly love you and your family and am greatful that you were brought into my life. I am sorrowed that Ray was inflicted with Alzhiemers for that to happen but believe without a shadow of a doubt that It was intended for us to meet that way.  I will miss seeing you but I do hope that you drop a line every now and then and let me know how you are doing. 

Love,

Cleo"